Auditioning...

I really really hate it. It's never as good as you want it to be, you're never as prepared as you feel you can be, it never goes as well as you think it can, and you always come out of it feeling like a huge failure, like nothing you did was good enough, and like you're entire acting career has just gone up in flames because you couldn't shine bright enough to be remembered.

Then, there's the waiting. It's torturous! I've learned to not place too much stock in what they say. Fall of my freshman year I didn't get a callback for the big production, then I got a major role, sometimes they just don't need to see you anymore. But no matter what, it's just downright painful to wait while someone else determines the next step in your career.

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?

Exercise!

I've been to the gym three times in the past three days....

And now my legs weigh a zillion pounds...

I think that's kinda the opposite of the effect I'm going for.

...

Poo

Happy Me Day!

Today is my birthday.

It's a little anti-climactic, I already got my presents, a few weeks ago really, and nothing really exciting is going on today.

So far, I've been a complete bum. I've slept in, had lunch, watched some tv, and eaten a humongous cheesecake brownie (supermegadelicious!) and now i'm contemplating the idea of going out for a bike ride or calling my mom and pestering her to go swimming at the gym before my birthday dinner.

It is my birthday, so I can justify being super lazy, but...would I feel better if I went out and did something productive?

Nighttime...

It's funny,

last night, as I was falling asleep, I thought of something I really wanted to write about...and now I can't think of it to save my life.

Well darn!

But on a totally different note, I spend so much time complaining lately, that I sometimes have to stop and think about how incredibly lucky I really am.

I never go hungry

I always have clothes and shelter and books

I know my family loves me

I just got a new laptop for my birthday!

And still, I spend a lot of time complaining and letting silly things upset me. It's not that I'm an unhappy person. I think everyone who knows me would agree - I'm a pretty big optimist. But sometimes things just get so frustrating that I need to vent to SOMEONE or it'll just drive me insane.

Is that healthy?

It HAS to be healthier than just bottling it all up....I hope :/

Well fine then!

I wish Snuffles and I were closer.

Sometimes I feel like the dog cares more about me than she does.

I'm sorry that the important parts of my day aren't as enthralling to you as the incredibly complicated plotlines on that p.o.s. tv show you love so much.

I'm sorry you only want to hear about my life when you can pass judgement and feel superior.

I'm sorry you care so much about feeling better than me that you stopped caring about me.

Sucks for you :P

Life Lessons

Finally, after 18 years, 10 months, and 26 days, I can officially ride a bike.

I think there are some life lessons that everyone should learn but I don't think there should be a timeline for those lessons that everyone should have to follow.

Everyone should know what rejection feels like.

Everyone should get dumped and have their heart-broken.

Everyone should get to see something so big it makes them feel completely insignificant.

Everyone should feel loved.

And everyone should learn to ride a bike!

Today, one life lesson was accomplished! Woohoo!

How could I forget to mention

The bicycle is a good invention

I love to LAUGH

I mean, really, truly laugh.

Can't breathe, can't speak, laughing.

It's the kind of thing that makes you happy, even when it's just for a few minutes.

The times I laugh the hardest, are often the times I have the most to worry about, isn't that funny?

Ev'ry face that I see is all wrapped up in frowns,

And unfortunately, it kind of gets me down

Laugh

'Cause the music's funny

Yeah, the bass sounds off-beat

Ain't that neat?

Laugh,

When you lose all your money

Or you can't find your shoes

To cover your feet